Establishing boundaries is key to better relationships with your family, friends, and coworkers. But it took a boundaries book for me to realize how important it is for activists and volunteers to set healthy boundaries, too.
“the dividing line that defines who you are as an individual and how you’ll interact with others.”
I like how she emphasizes that we have personal rights. Here are some examples she provides:
The right to
be treated with respect and kindness
say no
be physically and emotionally safe
have my own thoughts, feelings, values, and beliefs
Boundaries can be physical, such as your wishes related to personal space. They can also be emotional, such as your need for emotional safety.
For example, here are some situations where healthy boundaries may be needed.
Every time your neighbor sees you gardening, she runs over and chats for hours.
The guy across the hall at work smokes cigars, and the terrible smell means you can’t concentrate on your work. (This actually happened to me.)
Your boss praises your work on a project and asks you to take on more responsibilities without extra compensation.
Martin’s book provides scenarios to help you understand boundaries, with worksheets and exercises on setting them and making sure they work.
The Benefits of Boundaries
It is not selfish to set boundaries. In fact, they are crucial for your well-being. With healthy boundaries comes better relationships and mental health.
Setting boundaries should not be impulsive; instead, Martin provides a step-by-step process. First, understand how you feel about a situation, and second, be clear about what you want. Finally, plan how to communicate this to the other person.
Martin’s 4-step process and worksheets make it easy to set good boundaries.
Step 1: Clarify what you need and want
Martin provides guidance in identifying where your needs are not being met and how that makes you feel. Sometimes, the problem is obvious, like your coworker who makes fun of how you look. Others might be harder to tease out, like why talking with your mother makes you feel tired and overwhelmed.
Martin’s process leads you to be able to complete this statement:
I need _____ and I want to feel _________ when ________________________ (situation.)
For example:
I need connection, and I want to feel valued when communicating with my mother.
Step 2: Identify your boundaries
Martin suggests coming up with a list of options that might work to get what you need. This helps you clarify what is possible and what is out of your control. She recommends setting boundaries that you can implement without expecting the other person to change.
Step 3: Implement your boundaries
Now you will decide how to implement your boundary.
For example, if my mother brings up my past failures, I’ll say, “Mom, when you talk about these incidents from the past, it makes me feels as if you don’t value the progress I’ve made” and offer an alternative such as “Let’s talk about last week’s meeting where I stood up for myself.“
Step 4: Fine-tune your boundaries
Boundary-setting is a fluid process, and it makes sense to evaluate whether it is working or if it needs to be tweaked.
Boundaries for Volunteers and Activists
In my 5-step Activism Path, new and experienced activists can ensure they are making a difference for their cause.
For activists, that means focusing on the cause closest to your heart, so you are healthy, motivated, and not overworked.
If you have a vision of a better world, you can focus on what you value. And if someone belittles your values, you will be better prepared to deal with them healthily. Advocating for a cause that others may not agree with means being ready to persuade and, potentially, to back off.
Everyone has things they do well. These are often talents that come naturally to you. If you are clear about your best skills, you can match them to your activism work.
A healthy boundary here may look like feedback that you will volunteer to do the bookkeeping but not to write the annual report.
In my Activism Path, you get clear about your skills and motivation and match those to the perfect activism opportunity for you. If you are working for an organization, being clear about your preferences upfront means a better relationship. You can communicate to the organization what you’d like (your needs) and negotiate a volunteer role that works for you and the organization. This might include discussing
how much time you are willing to volunteer, and when,
your best skills and how they can be matched with the organization’s needs,
ways you like to work, such as solo vs. working with others, and
where you may need training to be successful.
Having this type of discussion upfront will lessen the likelihood of boundary problems.
The last step in the activism path is to change the world! Set goals that will motivate you and celebrate your progress. And while you are working for the greater good, recognize any signs of stress and care for yourself. Stay motivated for the long haul.
Activism can be stressful. So be aware of how your body reacts to stress. Be ready with ways you can take care of yourself.
You can set an emotional boundary to guard against those triggers that impact you. And you can reaffirm your time commitment to the cause by being more comfortable saying no.
Although Martin’s boundaries book does not focus on volunteering and activism, it provides guidance and examples that can be applied to this area. Here are examples I created to illustrate how boundaries can help your volunteer work.
Boundary Problem
You commit to 8 hours a week, but the volunteer coordinator consistently asks for more. You made the mistake of saying yes a few times, and now you are their go-to person.
Healthy Boundary
“I have a policy of not working more than 8 hours. I will limit myself to that.”
Boundary Problem
You joined an organization to be able to write training manuals, but they want you to teach the modules, too. You love designing training, but you get stressed when you get up in front of people. The volunteer coordinator pleads, “but you know these modules better than anyone. Please?”
Healthy Boundary
“Although I enjoy writing the training manuals, I must decline your request to be a training facilitator.”
Boundary Problem
You have difficulty walking long distances, but the assigned tasks tend to be canvassing and marching.
Healthy Boundary
“I cannot walk long distances, so canvassing or marching doesn’t work for me. However, I can do…”
Boundary Problem
You were clear about your lack of knowledge in lobbying, but the organization has not trained you.
Healthy Boundary
“When I met with the Senator’s representative, I lacked the knowledge I needed to be effective. I’ll need to get training before I schedule another meeting.”
Boundary Problem
You are a volunteer, but you are routinely asked to perform tasks handled by paid staff with particular expertise. That makes you uncomfortable.
Healthy Boundary
“When you ask me to handle volunteer performance problems, I feel uncomfortable. Instead, I will work on the social media posts as we agreed.”
Boundary Problem
You love your cause and enjoy making people’s lives better. Although the organization doesn’t ask you to give more than your scheduled time, you routinely work extra hours. You tell yourself that you cannot ignore the problems in your community.
Healthy Boundary
To yourself: “I will honor my needs and those of my family by sticking to my scheduled time and not bringing work home.”
Get Martin’s Boundaries Book
What a wonderful gift you are giving to the world with your volunteer or activism work. But make the most of your work by setting healthy boundaries. Martin’s book can help.
The organization you volunteer with will likely appreciate your honesty and clear goals. This signals that you are passionate about making a difference for the people they serve.
And a bonus: you’ll also have boundary-setting skills for other areas of your life.
READ NEXT
From Positive Psychology Includes examples of downloadable worksheets on boundary-setting
Step 1: Find The Cause Closest to your Heart
Step 1: 
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